It’s hard to believe that I decided to become a PA nine years ago. Now, five years into practice, I reflect on the fears and self-doubt I overcame along the way.
Nine years ago, I was newly separated from my now ex-husband. I remember the panic I felt now that I was a single-income household. I had been a stay-at-home mom for years. How would I provide for my daughter and me after not working a full-time job for half a decade? I thought to myself, I need to decide on a career quickly. No more thinking about a career in medicine; it was time to pursue it.
I never doubted my ability to make it to and through PA school academically; school had never been an issue for me.
But that didn’t stop the fear from creeping in.
Can I really do this? Am I enough? What if I fail? What if I don’t get accepted? Is it even possible with kids? I believed most of my peers would be 20-something-year-olds from affluent families—a description I did not fit. Did I belong there?
So many questions raced through my mind. I tried to mask my anxiety by collecting information and asking questions like what the GRE is and how to study for it.
Questions that were not complicated, nor did they require the hours I would spend researching.
If anyone were reading between the lines, they would see my true intentions: what I was seeking was encouragement. Someone to say yes, it is possible, I can do it, and I am enough.
The truth is that no amount of external validation would ever be enough.
If this was going to happen, I had to just start. No more questions, no more stalling, just plan & execute.
That initial step for me was to review what prerequisites I had met vs. what I had left to complete and then register for the more entry level courses to ease my way back into school.
For much of my journey, and even at times now in my career, I have overcome any fear or doubt by taking continuous steps forward, no matter how big or small. With each step, confidence grows as fears shrink. One foot in front of the other, and before I knew it, I was walking across the graduation stage and accepting my first PA-C job shortly after.
So, for the mom who is stalling, questioning, and doubting – it’s time to take the first step. You will grow more confident and resilient with each accomplishment and failure.
If it is reassurance that you seek, know this
You are enough!
You can do this!
Please feel free to come back and reread those statements as many times as necessary.
What is the first step you can take today towards your career goal?
Once you have a clear and definitive first step, set a deadline and hold yourself accountable to see it through.
